The Mourners

Tuesday 19/08/14 11:00 AM - Lm. Jack McArdle ss cc

At a religious revival meeting, 'the mourners bench' was the seat at the front of the church, and it was reserved for penitent sinners seeking forgiveness and salvation. There's the story of a pastor who regularly presided over revival meetings in the church that had no bell. It was his custom to assemble the congregation by mounting the high pulpit and blowing a huge fishhorn. Once Sunday morning a pious soul, who regarded the preacher's mighty horn blast as offensive, sneaked into the vestry and filled the horn with washing-up liquid. Later, when the church was nearly filled, the pastor took to the pulpit to summon the stragglers. As he let go with the usual blast, the muffled sound that came from the horn was drowned out by shrieks from members of the congregation who had been sprayed with the soft sticky soap and the bubbles.

At a subsequent meeting the mourners' bench was crowded with penitents. One man seemed particularly distressed, moaning and calling on God for help. The horn-blowing pastor descended from the pulpit and bent over the troubled man. 'Tell me, Sir' he said, 'What's your trouble? Let me help you with your problem.' 'Oh, it's awful,' replied the man, 'It's so awful I can't tell you.' Gently the pastor said, 'If you will only unburden yourself, I know you'll feel better.' 'No, I can't!' came the answer, 'It's too awful.' 'Was it some lie you told?' said the pastor. 'No, worse than that!' said the man. 'Have you stolen?' 'No. worse than that.' The man's voice was trembling. The Pastor asked, 'Was it murder?' 'Oh, much worse than that,' the man replied. 'Ah, Ha!' said the Pastor, 'At last I have found the despicable creature who put soap in the horn for me!'

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